This year has certainly proven to be one of the most challenging for me from an emotional point of view. There has been upheaval and unrest up to this point which has created a tidal wave of negativity and depression on a fairly regular basis. I guess life is one giant roller coaster ride with ups and downs as you venture through the pleasant and difficult elements of your time spent on earth.
It all started for me in January when I entered my third month working for a new employer in Digital Marketing. I decided to take the opportunity as it was geared towards a career that would allow me to utilise my Degree in Multimedia Journalism. Any first job after University is going to be far from glamorous but this particular company were the closest thing I have ever encountered to resemble most people’s interpretation of living hell.
The fact I was working in such a hostile atmosphere that was bereft of any credible communication between staff was hugely detrimental to my Asperger Syndrome. It almost feels like I was handed the worst possible start in life with an employer that pretty much positions itself as the ultimate nightmare for anyone that suffers from persistent mental health problems. Of course, there were indications online from previous employers about the state of the company, but I have always believed in taking risks that could end up improving your career prospects in the future.
One of the most torturous elements of working for this company was the non-verbal communication methods the management would use in order to get across their opinions to staff. I always need to communicate with people face-to-face in order to try and ascertain the tone and context of what they are tying to say. When you read something via email, there is going to be a whole host of different ways could interpret their message. This was done on a daily basis and created such a huge divide between my team and the colleagues working in the higher echelons of the company.
A number of scare tactics were also used in order to improve the productivity of the team and make them hit pretty absurd targets. However, this did nothing more than create a surge of paranoia and confusion about proposed meetings that never actually took place. Working in business is surely a collaborative effort where everyone needs to feel appreciated and that their work is contributing to the greater goals of the future. It really did feel like I was drafted in as another victim for them to prey on as they probably felt like they could easily replace me with someone equally naive later down the line.
Another problem for me was the fact certain people were conducting themselves in very similar fashion to children that would be bullies at School. They enjoyed ruling through fear and would use any given opportunity to remind you that they have the upper hand when it comes to control and manipulation. It’s a horrible situation for anyone when they are being treated so poorly at work but know they need to stay there to get a pay check that pays the bills at the end of each month.
After I decided to leave the company, my first thoughts were instantly about how typically irresponsible leaving a job is without something else lined up. I’m always trying to lay the blame on myself and have done all my life, but the fact is that well-being and mindset are perhaps the most important aspects of my life. Whenever people are jeopardising this for me, my instant reaction is to take them out of my life and then work out a course of action which can help prevent it happening again.
I’m now in my sixth month without a job and have suffered immensely without the routine and financial security that comes from employment. Every day is pretty laborious and is mostly spent pondering over things from the past and how frustrating it is that things have turned out the way they have so far. It’s important to learn from the past but never dwell on previous events, since the here and now is the only thing we can truly influence.
Please feel free to comment of get in direct contact about tough moments you have been through during your life and what you did to try and overcome them.